GourmetAmigurumi

Hi All,

I’m changing my focus a bit and I’m really excited!  My new site is definitely a work in progress.  But it would be great if you could update your bookmarks.

Thanks a bunch,

Beth

Here’s the link

Stouthearted

16 comments on my last entry! I am so heartened by the responds many of you left. I hope the rest of my visitors take the time to read them. I’ve spent the last week or so thinking about a way to respond. And I’ve decided to tell you my motivations for the last blog.

I think I know as well as anyone that solitude is really important for making art. It gives me space to grow ideas, improve my skills, get to know my materials better, stuff like that. But to my mind, solitude is different than loneliness. Solitude can be nurturing, loneliness is isolating. And I’m not sure that is a good thing. Read the responses. We want people to understand us. We are comforted when we know that other feel the same. Connection, even connection to other lonely people, is important.

I am fortunate. My husband, Terry, and I share a deep, sweet. *Cliche Alert * He is the love of my life. He is the tree I cling to in the turbulence of my depression, anxiety, and poor health. He is a marvel. But that’s a whole lot of pressure for one person to bear. It’s not fair how often he puts aside his own struggles in order to care for me.

In school, I experienced run of the mill torment by my peers and even a few times by teachers. A fat girl, I was called “Shamu” on the bus. I had a good vocabulary, so I was accused of reading the dictionary for fun. Which, to be perfectly honest, I did. But apparently, that wasn’t OK In third grade, when we learned cursive Mrs. Murphy (yes, I went to an Irish Catholic school!) told us our letters had to be perfect. Mine were. I spent hours erasing what I’d written, crying, tearing the paper to shreds with a cheap pink eraser. When I turned in the tattered but perfectly lettered practice sheets and Mrs. Murphy saw what I had done, she took me out in the hall and SCREAMED at me. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but the gist of it was that I had spent too much time on the homework. WTF?! Hadn’t she said to get it perfect?! Anyway, I’m 31 years old now, and it seems about time to move on. Most of these things happened over 20 years ago. Isn’t it about time to get comfortable in my own skin? Isn’t it about time to find a few sympathetic people and let them in? For the first time in my life I am beginning to really think so.

I think I have to admit something…I have a really hard time making friends.  I’m a pretty private, insecure person.  I don’t want you to think that this is self pity, it’s just a fact.  I guess that’s why I like to play alone in my studio.  And I just sort of realized that’s kinda why you hear almost nothing from me except stuff related to my work.  I get embarrassed when I talk to new people.  I worry that I will bore them, or reveal what a dork I am, or that they will judge me badly for being fat or any number negative things…

…I also tend to blow off all the truly kind things people say about my art.  I know I sound boring and stereotypical, but it really is hard for me to accept the fact that people like the things I make.  And I know if I was able to absorb and appreciate your kind words, I would be able move forward with more confidence and therefore make even better things.

*Goddamn* it was really hard for me to write those things and I’m not sure whether or not I feel better for having done it.  Maybe I feel a little relieved.  I don’t know.  But I think I know I need to try getting over myself and open up to the world a bit.

Sorry for the loooong absence. Let’s just chalk it up to summer vacation and distractions. I did indeed spend a week up in Leelanau County Michigan which is about 6 hours north of where I live here in Chicago. I’m not well traveled, but this is one of my favorite places. Heat is my enemy, so it’s a great place for me in the summer. It’s around the 45th parallel, which is far enough north to keep it from getting really hot. The rolling hills are absolutely covered with a gorgeous palette of green trees and grape vineyards. The towns are full of hippies, a group to which I like to pretend I belong A bit outside of the county is Traverse City, which is great, too. I love micro breweries and they have 5. Right Brain was especially fun. During happy hour the tasting room was jam packed with beer lovers drinking $3.50 pints, awesome! (not my photo)

My husband Terry and I are already saving up for next summer’s trip.

And now on to studio news… No doubt you are wondering when I’ll have new work to show. It’s always tough picking up where I left off after a few weeks absence. If I where smart, or perhaps more dedicated, I would peak into what I had been doing just to remind myself, so starting would be easier when I’m ready to work again. But I don’t and I didn’t this time either. Bad Beth, bad Beth!

I’m not complaining, but in my defense, my health is still a problem, even though I wish I could just get over it. I haven’t had a seizure in over a year, so no problems there. But my headaches just aren’t better enough to give me steady, reliable time in my studio. Mostly they’re somewhat milder now that I have started getting nerve block injections and taking Lyrica. Unfortunately, Lyrica is making me blow up like a balloon. So much for loosing weight! Luckily for me even at a size 16 I have a nice hourglass shape. I think the best way to deal right now is to do my best to hold steady and make lots of nice clothes. You all know that I love knitting. I’m on track to finish at least 4 sweaters by the time it gets cold enough to wear them. Pants are my biggest problem, though. I’m only 5′ tall so that rules out even plus size petites and nicer brands don’t make those sizes anyway. I am dieing for a pair of burgundy colored corduroys for the fall. I’m no great shakes at sewing clothes but I’ve used this pattern before and as soon as fall weight corduroy fabric comes out I’m going to make another pair. I love wide leg pants! Terry says they make me look like I have no feet, but I don’t care. I say a long skirt would have the same effect and the pants are more comfortable

I do think I’ll do a bit of creature making today. I have a little head (that sounds morbid!) that I’m excited about but I’m sort of stuck on what to do with it. I wanted her to wear this dress,

but it isn’t right so I have to reassess. She might get a simple striped body and a big orange flower tucked in by one of her ears…

I was down for the count with a headache for the last few days and, obviously, didn’t list my newest lamb as soon as I wanted.  But here she is freshly listed.

Designing with the fuchsia was really challenging.  Like I mentioned in the last post, I just LOVE the color.  But finding other colors and a print to go with it was harder than I thought it would be.  The stripes in the body were the worst!  I pulled out a bunch of attempts.  I’m not sure if you can see it in the photo, but the green is actually 2 different colors.  That was the only way I could get the colors to harmonize with the yarn I had available.

Embroidering the expression was sort of difficult too, come to think of it.  I found the right green in my floss stash and stitched the nose and mouth.  But when I looked at the lines of the mouth from a distance they were hard to see.  So I took a deep, steadying breath and used a permanent marker in the color I needed to darken the mouth.  Man, am I glad it didn’t bleed onto the white yarn!

Here’s a shot of my newest clover lamb in progress   This little guy will most likely be in the shop tomorrow.

The color is even more of an eye-hurter in person.  It’s one of my hand-dyed and I LOVE it!  I used Jacquard Acid Dyes which are great.  (Turquoise and Kelly Green are screamers like this one, too.) The fuchsia is so loud that finding coordinating colors is a real challenge.  But setting up design problems like this is one of my favorite parts of making softies.

After crocheting this little guy I have less than half a skein of worsted weight left.  Since I dyed it awhile ago I’ve purchased fingering weight and roving from KnitPicks and a HUGE canning pot for the stove.  If it isn’t too hot here in Chicago I think this will be a dyeing weekend.  I’m going to see how it goes when I dye all three yarns together.  I’m hoping that I will be able to get all three fibers dyed evenly at the same time.  If it works I will be able to do things like make animals with fluffy heads that match the rest of their body.  Back in the day I used eyelash and furry yarns, but now it’s important to me to used as many natural materials as possible, so I’ve turned to wool roving instead.  The thing I miss about these yarns is the long wispy fibers, though.  I need to find a way to give this effect with Peruvian highland wool.  I guess I could use Leicester top but it’s a lot more expensive.  Maybe I should spin the roving loosely?  Then I’d need to learn how to use a drop spindle!  Good thing learning new fiber crafts is one of my favorite things too

In other news…I think I mentioned before that I am on Lyrica for my headaches.  My neurologist said that the goal for my treatment is a 70% reduction in pain, which sounds pretty good to me.  The new med is definitely taking me in that direction.  But it’s making me blow up like a balloon   It has me thinking about food all the time and I’m struggling with making good choices too.  I’ve got a huge bowl of berries on the kitchen table right now, which is helping, but it’s not enough.  I’ve had trouble with my weight since I was a very young girl.  For now I think my best attitude is to be OK with my size 16 body.  That’s a real challenge, but if I dress well, do my hair and put on a bit of makeup I think I’ll feel better.

Here’s a simple little bear I finished at the end of last week.  You can get him in my shop!

The fabric in his ears is one of my favs.  I spent a lot of time determining the right placement for the sequins.  I wanted them to look like they were sort of floating around his eyes.  Hopefully that worked out

I guess I’m glad that I got anything done last week, although in reality I feel damn frustrated.  The past few weeks have been tough.  In March I started seeing a new doc for my migraines.  She started by giving me nerve blocks all over the right side of my head,  which is where my headaches are.  Nerve blocks are local anesthetic injected with a tiny little needle.  I’ve gotten them 5 times so far and every time she uses about 6 needles.  It doesn’t hurt much, but it’s not fun either.  We’re not happy with how they’re working, though.  They only take the edge off and  make the remaining pain move to different places.  So 3 weeks ago she started adding fibromyalgia meds to the mix.  These help with chronic pain.  My sister has fibro, so I’m familiar with them and I’m glad I can ask her about her experience.  Lyrica was easy to start, no bad side effects.  But a week and a half ago I started taking Sevella too.  I’ve been struggling with it.  The first day I was suicidal;  I have a history of depression, so it doesn’t take much to push me to the edge.  And  a few days since I have been so antsy and distracted that I couldn’t concentrate on anything.  My doc wanted me to stop taking it.  But my sister is really happy with how this med helps her.  So I want to ride it out until the worst of the side effects fade and I can better decide whether or not it is going to help me too.  I’m not looking forward to Wednesday and Thursday this week.  My period starts then and last month I had a ripping headache for 3 non-stop days…

…I feel bad that most of the updates you guys get about my life outside of art are about my health problems;  I really don’t want to sound like a complainer.  But they have been one of the biggest parts of my life  for the last 6 years.  I’m hoping to be able to get my pain under control and move on soon.  But as I type I’ve get a pain level 4 headache.  I think this is going to be a long haul.

Penny is the newest girl in my shop.

I set myself a lot of new challenges with this doll.  In the photo above you can see her cowl neck sweater and her soft roving hair.  The sweater was pretty much just simple math, so that was no big deal.  But her wig took awhile to get right.  I’ve never worked with roving before, so it took some time to get comfortable with.

In the next photo you can see her pleated skirt.  Again, this was pretty much simple math the get the fullness of the skirt looking right and to make it fit the waist band I use for my doll’s pants.

And here’s my favorite new bit, Penny’s green saddle shoes.  They were the most challenging part.  I think getting flat pieces of felt to wrap smoothly around a dimensional shape is sort of tough.  I’m happy with these as a first version, but I have ideas for making them better next time.  I don’t want the next pair to pull in at the bottom like these ones do, so I have to add width to the soles.

Well, that’s it for now.  My next doll is in the works already.  She is going to be a heathered brown and black, lamb type thing wearing a gingham and flowered dress.

Brigid in my esty shop!

So, obviously this head is a mess and I wont be using it for a finished doll.  I’ve been dissatisfied with the knitted wigs for awhile.  They are too generic for my taste and not expressive enough.  As my mom put it, “the wigs are really perky-looking…they don’t fit the woebegone attitude most of your dolls have.”  I think she’s right.  (Plus I am uncomfortable making something so close to a hallowig.)  So I wanted to show some of the experimenting I did with new ways to make hair.  I needle felted corriedale roving onto the head and then spun the fibers together to make chunky strands.

This photo shows the strands pulled back into a pigtail.

And this photo shows some early experiments with curling the strands.  I used my mini craft iron.  It shows promise, so I ordered a tiny curling iron that I’ll use next time.

I know you can buy curly mohair roving, but it’s expensive and doesn’t come in enough colors.  Plus with straight wool I have a flexibility to make it curl if I want or leave it if I don’t.