I think I have to admit something…I have a really hard time making friends. I’m a pretty private, insecure person. I don’t want you to think that this is self pity, it’s just a fact. I guess that’s why I like to play alone in my studio. And I just sort of realized that’s kinda why you hear almost nothing from me except stuff related to my work. I get embarrassed when I talk to new people. I worry that I will bore them, or reveal what a dork I am, or that they will judge me badly for being fat or any number negative things…
…I also tend to blow off all the truly kind things people say about my art. I know I sound boring and stereotypical, but it really is hard for me to accept the fact that people like the things I make. And I know if I was able to absorb and appreciate your kind words, I would be able move forward with more confidence and therefore make even better things.
*Goddamn* it was really hard for me to write those things and I’m not sure whether or not I feel better for having done it. Maybe I feel a little relieved. I don’t know. But I think I know I need to try getting over myself and open up to the world a bit.
You’re not alone Beth. I’ve always been the same way. I still haven’t made any friends since college and moving to a new state, and that was 9 years ago. I’ve had Facebook for years, and never posted a status update. Oh well…
Believe the kind things people say, they’re true.
Thank you SO much, Sonya! I totally get what you mean about Facebook, too
I pretty much never use my account…maybe I should give it more of a chance.
I’m almost the same way. It seems I attract people quite easily, but have a hard time maintaining friendships. I enjoy spending Friday and Saturday evenings at home, crafting with my cats. I have a hard time calling people up to do things when I’m so comfortable crafting or playing with my camera and such. Plus, like you, I suffer from migraines, and I’ve cancelled on one too many friends who have eventually dropped me.
But as far as I’m concerned, if you’re happy about it, why try to change?
I’m a quiet person also. My best friend is my Hubby. Beth just be yourself you don’t have to prove anything to any one.
Beth, thanks for sharing. Sonya is right, you are definitely not alone. I am very awkward when I am in room full of complete strangers. It took a lot of courage to write what you did and for that alone you should be proud. I have admired your work for a long time now and what you do is very interesting. Beth, I want you to know that I am so glad to have found your blog and your creations are very inspiring.
How old are you dear? I felt like this for most of my life. But I’m over 40 now, and with time things have gotten a bit easier. It’s not that I feel any less of a freak now, or make friends more easily, but self acceptance builds slowly over time and eventually I felt better in my own skin. Be patient, this will probably happen to you too.
Hey Beth from one loner to another – EMBRACE IT!
Here’s a happy little poem about being alone by a local girl (Halifax NS).
*Erynn
Bethy dear, sometimes we are surrounded by friends and we feel alone, do not go down, there is a right time for everything, do not stop believing.
Your creative creatures are beautiful and have so much life and personality. They are beings and I can feel their energy when I look at them.They are such an inspiration to me. You have a great imagination. I think people who have such a rich, creative inside the outside world can leave one disatisfied. Embrace yourself as an individual and know you have a lot to offer the few lucky people who get to know you!
You are not alone….I am the exact same way. That’s why if you ever stop by my blog it is all crafty posts mostly. I have a really hard time opening up to people. Thank you for your wonderful post…and I think it took alot of courage and guts to write your post! Thank you
It takes time and it’s an extrovert world (they’re the majority) it leaves introverts a bit bewildered. As the last comment say’s embrace it. I have acknowledged my inner geek and it was wandering around knitting blogs that has made me realize that there are plenty of women like me and that would mean there are plenty of people that share my interests and would not think me a “dork”. Turn one of your creations into jewellery and wear it it’ll give you a jumping off point with people.Don’t blow off the compliments, just smile and say thanks. You really do have talent, the amount of personality, whimsey, colour sense, and craftsmanship that your creations exhibit is truly wonderful (I want to squeeze them all, they make me smile)
I am and feel exactly the same way, especially that I’ll bore new people! It takes a lot to admit this sort of thing, so thanks for your post…it’s nice to know there’s other people out there who feel the same way. We must remember to just be ourselves and if people don’t like it, that’s their loss!
I think alot of people feel the way you do. This is your blog and what ever you choose to post “we” will read.
Also i think a lot of people who create do not really believe in themselves, i guess that is what keeps pushing them to doing bigger and better.
First of all, thanks for sharing that. It means so much to me to see this kind of feeling is not unique to me.
Second, I don’t think you are a dork or boring. Your art brings your artistic mind to the front and shows you have something else hidden your are just not showing to people.
But hey, I don’t know you. I can’t tell if you are horrible person or not. My guess is that your are not.
I found that finding real friends is so hard, I’m just not good at it. I did find that internet platforms to share my thoughts and ideas about what interest ME (and not my friends who do not share the love to craft of fashion) helps me to know other people. Do you have craft circles around your home? do you have craft shows? you could meet people who shares the same passion as you to art and get to know them slowly.
I’m writing all of that assuming that you want to make new connections and friends. But honestly, I don’t think it’s that bad to be “alone in the studio”. Some people don’t think “lonely” is bad, they just don’t need the affection as much as others.
I just came across your blog today.
You are a very talented woman!
I have the same insecurities, my husband thinks there is something wrong with me. I am perfectly content in my home with my two girls, knitting and crocheting and blogging.
If you ever need an ear, just let me know!
hi Beth,
Today is my first time running into your blog. First (even if you don’t believe me) you pieces are sooo flipping cute! I just love love love your fuchsia lamb.
Second, you sound like most artists. Inverted, a little depressed, and lacking a little in confidence. And you are an artist, not only by your work, but your writing is amazing. Most blogs loose my interest pretty quickly, no matter the subject, but yours dear, pulled me right in with your writing.
I wish you liked yourself better. I used to be the same way, worried my art wasn’t good enough, worried what others thought, worried I wasn’t thin enough, or wasn’t pretty enough. I don’t’ think there are any magic words to make people believe in themselves. For me I think I just got tired of feeling that way, and changed my mind about myself. I hope you do the same. Your beautiful. Your writing is beautiful. Your art is beautiful. Hopefully some day, you figure that out too.
Beth, este es un mundo difícil: vivimos rodeados de personas y, sin embargo, nos sentimos solos. Además, cuando tratamos de acercarnos a esas personas, muchas veces ellas son tan frágiles como nosotros y se protegen atacándonos y diciendo palabras feas.
Quiero decirle que usted es alguien hermosa. No mire su cuerpo, ni si tiene más peso del que le gustaría. Usted es una mujer hermosa porque es capaz de dar vida a seres hermosos, porque con su trabajo hace que el mundo sea más lindo, porque nos permite compartir eso que hace.
Beth, no deje que los comentarios crueles (de personas muy inseguras) sigan haciendo daño, tantos años después.
Saludos desde la Argentina!
Love your work for a long time now… I’m from the Netherlands and ordered your book (I guess two years ago) through the US Amazon because I had to have it! So that first, you don’t have a talent, you are a talent.
It’s the first time today I’ve been on your blog. Don’t know why but I guess some things are destiny or something.. At the moment I’m struggling with the ‘alone, feeling a geek sometimes, finding it hard to make and hold on to friends..’ or just everything you write about! I so know what you mean and how it can feel. I’m a really hard judge on myself and at the moment I try not to think about what’s the best thing to do, be or act but I try to feel: what is it that I want? And instead of trying to feel or get the love from others, I try to love myself first.. Hope you do too!!! Love yourself, the rest will come then.. (probably a misty reply/post. hope I make some sense here)
Deep deep respect for your post, your honesty! Thank you so much!!!